The white out & a snow bank

So, I guess you should probably know that I made it up to Northern VA safe and sound. I got here late afternoon on Monday and worked for a few hours in the office. My drive up here wasn't too bad, although I did hit a lot of ice as soon as I got up to Fairfax County! The drive was a little emotional however, because every time I've taken the drive up to NoVa I've done it knowing I was going to return home eventually. This time I knew it was for good, and that was a little scary to face for about an hour of the drive. The Lord calmed me down though, and luckily I made it to the office safe and sound, despite the little bit of sliding I did on the icy roads.. yuck! I think what made the drive worse was that I had my car packed to the brim with my life, and stuff kept falling on me and obstructing my vision as it moved around.

Yesterday was my first full day in the office and I have to admit, I really enjoyed it. It is so nice to be a part of a team again, all assembling together and working to complete one task. I am honestly very excited to begin this new ministry with the rest of the Reston Bible youth team. Meeting with the 5 other youth staff members in the morning for our planning meeting was where I realized that maybe I can do this. I mean, obviously I can, because I'm here and I'm doing it, but sometimes its hard for me to actually believe that I am ready. But I know I am, the Lord keeps revealing that to me, I just need to accept the encouragement already!

Obviously the blizzard here has not ceased, and we're all snowed in yet again today. It's about 2pm and the snow is still going strong! A lot different than what I'm used to, that's for sure. I'm definitely not a fan. Yesterday I had quite an adventure on my way to work in the morning.. to say the least. I was about halfway there and my car lost traction on the 2-inch ice they call road, and my car spun around into a snow bank! Don't worry, my car is okay, and I am too. Luckily there were 3 trucks behind me, all with men in them, who happened to have shovels. They immediately helped me get my car out and on to work. Needless to say, I may have been okay, but boy was I embarrassed! I could have died. The Lord sure had my back.

The snow started pouring out of the sky starting at around 4:30 yesterday while I was in the office, and by the time I left around 6pm the roads already had about an inch, especially since they weren't completely plowed to begin with! On the way home I didn't wreck again, fortunately, but I did get stuck at one point. My car just wouldn't make it up one of the hills on a side street. I kind of had a minor freak out session, where I completely broke down crying and asking God what am I supposed to do?! I don't know anyone here that I could call and get me out! But God shushed me up real quick and I just stopped, thought about it for a minute, backed my car down the hill, and tried again. And guess what... it worked! I was free, and I made it home safe!!! Now, I looked outside this morning & wondered where my car went. Then I realized that the snow whited it out.

Thankful

How often do you stop and reminisce on all that God has done for you? I must say, I do not stop and reflect on the entirety of God's grace and mercy for me very often. I acknowledge it and leave it in the back of my mind very frequently, but rarely do I pull it out and ponder it. After reading Leviticus 26:11-13 today, I have this sudden urge to do so.

In this passage the Lord is making known his presence among the people. He is convicting them to remember all that He has done for them. He says: I will make my dwelling among you, and my soul shall not abhor you. According to dictionary.com the word abhor means: to regard with extreme repugnance or aversion; detest utterly; loathe; abominate. So reading this verse again we can conclude that the Lord lives among His people and His soul does not detest or loathe His people. Well that is good. I definitely do not wish to be loathed or detested by my God! The next verse says: And I will walk among you and will be your God, and you shall be my people. That means He experiences day to day life with His people because He is our God. That is His pleasure. It reminds me of how I am His and He is mine. In the rest of the passage God reminds the people of why He is their God--what all He has done for them and brought them through.

So what has the Lord done for me? What has He brought me through? I believe that this is the greatest testimony of any Christian. Telling of how the Lord has been there personally for me and the proof that I have in my life that He is my Lord. And don't think that you don't have any amazing stories of what the Lord has done in your life. Even before I was a believer and understood what Jesus did for my sins, I can look back and see that God had His protection on my life and that He led me through many great trials. So think back, hard and deep. What has He done for you in the past? What has He done for you this week? I am going to dedicate the remainder of this post to thanking the Lord for what He has done for me just this week.

• I thank the Lord for the snow, for the beautiful white blanquet around me, reminding me at every moment of His grace and love, and how He washes me clean of my sins, making me white as snow.
• I thank that Lord for an amazing boyfriend, one who pushes me, respects me, and loves me through his actions.
• I thank the Lord for an exciting new job opportunity working with what seems to be a wonderful church, doing what I love and feel led by Him to do.
• I thank the Lord for my sweet and kind roommates, who inspire me daily and who I will miss living life with.
• I thank the Lord for my parents, for their encouragement and support through growing up from a college student, to finally starting my career in a ministry they don't understand. I thank Him for their love for me through it all.
• I also thank the Lord for giving me an entire week without work. It is such a blessing to not have to work while I'm trying to pack up my life into boxes this week. I thank Him for the time to get it all done.
  

The Preface

Last night someone asked me if I ever considered writing as a part of my ministry. My reply to her is what brought me to start this second blog. My friends and I always talk about writing down all of the many crazy stories that make up our life, but procrastination is what always kicks in at this time of life.

I'm a recent college graduate, and am moving up state this weekend to begin my first full-time ministry opportunity, what most graduates would call "a real job." While I do understand and respect the fact that even retail or food service jobs that are full-time should be considered a real job, my definition of this term is mainly based on the achievement of working a job that does more than pay the bills. A job where you thrive, a job that helps you live and breathe. I am hoping that starting this new beginning in my life will cause my heart to beat a little faster. I just want to be used by God.

What I am meaning to do by telling you all of this is to explain what I mean by "this time of life." Mentioning that I am a recent college graduate and that I am beginning a new and first "real job" next week, is implying that I am still young. In fact, I am 23, thus I am still learning how to grow up. So as a preface to the rest of my ramblings included in "A Stranger Parable," I would like you to know that I am learning not to delay this period of much needed "growing up," but that I also wish to remain true to my name, Jillian, which means "youthful" in Italian.

I do hope that you enjoy the various stories that will encompass this parable of my life. All I ask of you is that you not judge me because of "A Stranger Parable", but rather let the stories of my young, crazy life inspire and enhance yours. I can only expect that my ramblings will resemble faith, growth, and laughter as I embark on a young journey leading to new beginnings. May God be with you. :]

the cost of life

So, I'm currently working on reading through Leviticus and let me just say, the Old Testament absolutely fascinates me. Sometimes it gets a little boring, but I like the challenge. I try to pull something out of every chapter that I read, and a lot of times by doing that, I go back to parts that I would have normally just skipped over, and end up finding so much insight in them by simply analyzing them from a different point of view. The last couple days I read Leviticus 18 & 19. I found that in these 2 chapters alone, there are 21 quotes of God Himself saying "I am the Lord" or "I am the Lord your God." I guess God really wanted to get that point across, at least.

I also found this:

"When you come into the land and plant any kind of tree for food, then you shall regard its fruit as forbidden. Three years it shall be forbidden to you; it must not be eaten. And in the fourth year all its fruit shall be holy, an offering of praise to the Lord. But in the fifth year you may eat of its fruit, to increase its yield for you: I am the Lord your God."
~ Leviticus 19:23-25

Now, at first glance this just looks like instructions that God is giving the people regarding their crop. Nothing special. But I urge you to look deeper with me. First God is saying that He wants the people to plant crop. He asks the people to do this not only for Him, but for themselves as well. The people will work for the Lord, but He says they are to also do this for food. They will benefit from this work as well. Then the Lord tells them not to eat it right away, but instead to regard the fruit as "forbidden" for three years. Then on the fourth year to devote the fruit to the Lord and not eat it. Finally in the fifth year of having their crop they were instructed to eat it. Can you imagine spending all that time and energy planting, sowing, and taking care of a crop, and not even being allowed to use it at all until the fifth year? This is a parallel to the Christian life.

God gives us instructions every day, whether it is the basic commands He gives us in His word, or whether it is an individual calling or leading that He gives us personally. God is asking us to do something, He is asking us to live for Him. Have you accepted that calling or leading from God? Whether specific or not, He asks every one of His people to live for Him and to glorify Him. So what are we doing to do that?

These verses tell us that God wants everything in our lives. He wants us to work for Him, seek to glorify Him in what we do by following Him. He may ask of us something that doesn't make sense, like growing a crop for 5 years before we can even touch the final product, and use it for our benefit. He said He will benefit us, but it will be on His terms. We will have to put all of our strength and energy into working for Him, but may not reap any benefits for years. Living for God will cost us. It may cost us all different things, but He is the Lord our God. He asks us to live for Him in everything that we do. Whether right now we see the point or not, there is one. We simply need to obey Him, seek to glorify Him in everything we do, and have faith that our work for Him is not in vain.

There is a cost for life. Luckily, Jesus already paid it on the cross.

Growing Up

There are a lot of things in this life that I am realizing I am afraid of. I think it's easy to put on the tough persona and stick the smile on in situations where I am really afraid. I want to seem strong, I want to seem like the person that has her life under control and all figured out. But you know what I have been realizing? No one has their life under control and all figured out. So why should I act like mine is? I have flaws and struggles and trials in my life just the same as anyone else. Lets get real here!

Yesterday as I was leaving work, the mom of the kids I babysit for mentioned in conversation that I'm afraid of growing up. It's funny, but I had actually never thought of that before. I realized in that very moment that she was right! I've been in college for so long, that I've gotten comfortable in Lynchburg. I've gotten comfortable with the fact that being a college students means less responsibilities, and less stress. It's not the real world in this college bubble. It's that halfway point where you have responsibilities but if you mess up, you still have your parents to fall back on.. The "college student" title makes everything a learning experience. It makes it okay to mess up because your still a "college student". But hey, guess what world? I'm not a college student anymore. Now I'm realizing that this life isn't all fun and games. It's hard work, I tell ya!

But after pondering over this realization the last couple days, I realized that I'm ready to grow up. I'm seriously ready to get out on the road, go somewhere new, and enjoy the hard, unfamiliar, uncomfortable, road. I want to be challenged by God and grow in Him in a way that I couldn't even imagine. I want to be molded and bent into a better person for Christ. I want to be broken every single day, repeated times. I want a constant reminder that God is in control and that He is the Lord my God. I think that by growing up I will definitely get all of these things that I pray for. I already feel my heart changing in a positive way for Him. I'm just excited and nervous at the same time because when you finally admit something to God, He doesn't just ignore it...

So here we go... :]

Dust

This morning as I was spending time with God in His Word, I came across this passage:

The first man was from the earth, a man of dust; the second man is from heaven. As was the man of dust, so also are those who are of the dust, and as is the man of heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven. ~ 1 Corinthians 15:47-49

The word dust stood out to me as I was reading this. We were created from dust. In Genesis 1 we see an account of God's creating something out of nothing. It says in verse 2 that "the earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep." It's crazy for me to think about how as humans we were created completely from the dust of the earth. This passage talks about how we are earthly creatures. We were created from dust, and we will return to the earth as dust.

This life is meaningless without Christ. When we die our earthly bodies become like the dust but our souls transcend to heaven with Christ where we enjoy life eternal with Him. We have no promise of this eternal life until we become one with Christ and once we accept Him, we can be sure that we will return to heaven with Him at the end of life. This is why it is so important for Christians to focus on Him while we have this opportunity to live for Him on this earth.

James 4:14 says it perfectly: "yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." We need to take advantage of this life we've been given. We need to focus on what is important: God, family, friends, and remember that we were made of dust. We are like a mist that is here for now, but when we're gone, we're gone. We only get one chance. Isaiah 64:6 says this: "We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away." Call it depressing, but it's reality. One day we will fade like a leaf, the memories that people have of us will slowly vanish, and sooner or later our bodies will turn back to dust.

So my question to everyone is this: Are you living as if you were invincible and made out of something more brilliant than dust? Lets humble ourselves each morning and start each day off focused on what is of the most importance.

the battle of the standards

I live in a constant battle with myself. Some days I wake up happy and loving life, enthusiastic for the day ahead of me, while others I wake up and all I want to do is lay back in God's lap in complete silence. Lately I've been so stressed and worried about what exactly it is that I am battling. Today I think I finally figured it out.

I'm just sitting on my bed thinking about my life and what is in front of me. Thinking about my amazing roommates, and friends, and boyfriend, and family, and the amazing church I go to, with the amazing role models God has put in my life. I'm asking God why exactly I'm having this problem with contentment where I am in life and with what I am doing for Him. Oh, and God answered me almost immediately. It's like He was waiting for me to ask Him. His answer? Well, I found out that this constant battle that I've been fighting is all about Him.

God's standards are not the same as the world's standards (or other people's standards either).

I've been living this life with the intentions of pleasing the Lord, but in the process I've realized that I'm not really paying any attention to what pleases Him. I'm trying to live up to all the standards that are set before by the various people that are in my life. You know what I realized?

Living up to everyone's standards is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE.

I tell you, no one can do it. Everyone's standards are so different. God's standards are always the same. They don't change and they are consistent in every circumstance. And that's only a part of the beauty of who He is. Blows my mind.

Now I just have to figure out how to refocus my life on the right standards. How do I pay more attention to pleasing God and not others? So many people in my life push their standards on me and pollute my mind with their opinions and view points. How can I put all of this aside and focus on what God has for me and wants me to accomplish for Him? I haven't been able to figure it out yet. There are so many paradigms that I have been struggling to live within, when I really just want to focus on God's. How do I know which standards are what God has set in my life, and which are just myths that others have pushed in my direction?

So this battle I'm facing, it's about my focus. It's about what God wants for MY life. It's about putting my efforts into pleasing HIM.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God... And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." ~ Colossians 3:1-3 & 17