Last night someone asked me if I ever considered writing as a part of my ministry. My reply to her is what brought me to start this second blog. My friends and I always talk about writing down all of the many crazy stories that make up our life, but procrastination is what always kicks in at this time of life.
I'm a recent college graduate, and am moving up state this weekend to begin my first full-time ministry opportunity, what most graduates would call "a real job." While I do understand and respect the fact that even retail or food service jobs that are full-time should be considered a real job, my definition of this term is mainly based on the achievement of working a job that does more than pay the bills. A job where you thrive, a job that helps you live and breathe. I am hoping that starting this new beginning in my life will cause my heart to beat a little faster. I just want to be used by God.
What I am meaning to do by telling you all of this is to explain what I mean by "this time of life." Mentioning that I am a recent college graduate and that I am beginning a new and first "real job" next week, is implying that I am still young. In fact, I am 23, thus I am still learning how to grow up. So as a preface to the rest of my ramblings included in "A Stranger Parable," I would like you to know that I am learning not to delay this period of much needed "growing up," but that I also wish to remain true to my name, Jillian, which means "youthful" in Italian.
I do hope that you enjoy the various stories that will encompass this parable of my life. All I ask of you is that you not judge me because of "A Stranger Parable", but rather let the stories of my young, crazy life inspire and enhance yours. I can only expect that my ramblings will resemble faith, growth, and laughter as I embark on a young journey leading to new beginnings. May God be with you. :]
Monday, February 1, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
the cost of life
So, I'm currently working on reading through Leviticus and let me just say, the Old Testament absolutely fascinates me. Sometimes it gets a little boring, but I like the challenge. I try to pull something out of every chapter that I read, and a lot of times by doing that, I go back to parts that I would have normally just skipped over, and end up finding so much insight in them by simply analyzing them from a different point of view. The last couple days I read Leviticus 18 & 19. I found that in these 2 chapters alone, there are 21 quotes of God Himself saying "I am the Lord" or "I am the Lord your God." I guess God really wanted to get that point across, at least.
I also found this:
God gives us instructions every day, whether it is the basic commands He gives us in His word, or whether it is an individual calling or leading that He gives us personally. God is asking us to do something, He is asking us to live for Him. Have you accepted that calling or leading from God? Whether specific or not, He asks every one of His people to live for Him and to glorify Him. So what are we doing to do that?
These verses tell us that God wants everything in our lives. He wants us to work for Him, seek to glorify Him in what we do by following Him. He may ask of us something that doesn't make sense, like growing a crop for 5 years before we can even touch the final product, and use it for our benefit. He said He will benefit us, but it will be on His terms. We will have to put all of our strength and energy into working for Him, but may not reap any benefits for years. Living for God will cost us. It may cost us all different things, but He is the Lord our God. He asks us to live for Him in everything that we do. Whether right now we see the point or not, there is one. We simply need to obey Him, seek to glorify Him in everything we do, and have faith that our work for Him is not in vain.
There is a cost for life. Luckily, Jesus already paid it on the cross.
I also found this:
"When you come into the land and plant any kind of tree for food, then you shall regard its fruit as forbidden. Three years it shall be forbidden to you; it must not be eaten. And in the fourth year all its fruit shall be holy, an offering of praise to the Lord. But in the fifth year you may eat of its fruit, to increase its yield for you: I am the Lord your God."Now, at first glance this just looks like instructions that God is giving the people regarding their crop. Nothing special. But I urge you to look deeper with me. First God is saying that He wants the people to plant crop. He asks the people to do this not only for Him, but for themselves as well. The people will work for the Lord, but He says they are to also do this for food. They will benefit from this work as well. Then the Lord tells them not to eat it right away, but instead to regard the fruit as "forbidden" for three years. Then on the fourth year to devote the fruit to the Lord and not eat it. Finally in the fifth year of having their crop they were instructed to eat it. Can you imagine spending all that time and energy planting, sowing, and taking care of a crop, and not even being allowed to use it at all until the fifth year? This is a parallel to the Christian life.
~ Leviticus 19:23-25
God gives us instructions every day, whether it is the basic commands He gives us in His word, or whether it is an individual calling or leading that He gives us personally. God is asking us to do something, He is asking us to live for Him. Have you accepted that calling or leading from God? Whether specific or not, He asks every one of His people to live for Him and to glorify Him. So what are we doing to do that?
These verses tell us that God wants everything in our lives. He wants us to work for Him, seek to glorify Him in what we do by following Him. He may ask of us something that doesn't make sense, like growing a crop for 5 years before we can even touch the final product, and use it for our benefit. He said He will benefit us, but it will be on His terms. We will have to put all of our strength and energy into working for Him, but may not reap any benefits for years. Living for God will cost us. It may cost us all different things, but He is the Lord our God. He asks us to live for Him in everything that we do. Whether right now we see the point or not, there is one. We simply need to obey Him, seek to glorify Him in everything we do, and have faith that our work for Him is not in vain.
There is a cost for life. Luckily, Jesus already paid it on the cross.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Growing Up
There are a lot of things in this life that I am realizing I am afraid of. I think it's easy to put on the tough persona and stick the smile on in situations where I am really afraid. I want to seem strong, I want to seem like the person that has her life under control and all figured out. But you know what I have been realizing? No one has their life under control and all figured out. So why should I act like mine is? I have flaws and struggles and trials in my life just the same as anyone else. Lets get real here!
Yesterday as I was leaving work, the mom of the kids I babysit for mentioned in conversation that I'm afraid of growing up. It's funny, but I had actually never thought of that before. I realized in that very moment that she was right! I've been in college for so long, that I've gotten comfortable in Lynchburg. I've gotten comfortable with the fact that being a college students means less responsibilities, and less stress. It's not the real world in this college bubble. It's that halfway point where you have responsibilities but if you mess up, you still have your parents to fall back on.. The "college student" title makes everything a learning experience. It makes it okay to mess up because your still a "college student". But hey, guess what world? I'm not a college student anymore. Now I'm realizing that this life isn't all fun and games. It's hard work, I tell ya!
But after pondering over this realization the last couple days, I realized that I'm ready to grow up. I'm seriously ready to get out on the road, go somewhere new, and enjoy the hard, unfamiliar, uncomfortable, road. I want to be challenged by God and grow in Him in a way that I couldn't even imagine. I want to be molded and bent into a better person for Christ. I want to be broken every single day, repeated times. I want a constant reminder that God is in control and that He is the Lord my God. I think that by growing up I will definitely get all of these things that I pray for. I already feel my heart changing in a positive way for Him. I'm just excited and nervous at the same time because when you finally admit something to God, He doesn't just ignore it...
So here we go... :]
Yesterday as I was leaving work, the mom of the kids I babysit for mentioned in conversation that I'm afraid of growing up. It's funny, but I had actually never thought of that before. I realized in that very moment that she was right! I've been in college for so long, that I've gotten comfortable in Lynchburg. I've gotten comfortable with the fact that being a college students means less responsibilities, and less stress. It's not the real world in this college bubble. It's that halfway point where you have responsibilities but if you mess up, you still have your parents to fall back on.. The "college student" title makes everything a learning experience. It makes it okay to mess up because your still a "college student". But hey, guess what world? I'm not a college student anymore. Now I'm realizing that this life isn't all fun and games. It's hard work, I tell ya!
But after pondering over this realization the last couple days, I realized that I'm ready to grow up. I'm seriously ready to get out on the road, go somewhere new, and enjoy the hard, unfamiliar, uncomfortable, road. I want to be challenged by God and grow in Him in a way that I couldn't even imagine. I want to be molded and bent into a better person for Christ. I want to be broken every single day, repeated times. I want a constant reminder that God is in control and that He is the Lord my God. I think that by growing up I will definitely get all of these things that I pray for. I already feel my heart changing in a positive way for Him. I'm just excited and nervous at the same time because when you finally admit something to God, He doesn't just ignore it...
So here we go... :]
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Dust
This morning as I was spending time with God in His Word, I came across this passage:
The first man was from the earth, a man of dust; the second man is from heaven. As was the man of dust, so also are those who are of the dust, and as is the man of heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven. ~ 1 Corinthians 15:47-49
The word dust stood out to me as I was reading this. We were created from dust. In Genesis 1 we see an account of God's creating something out of nothing. It says in verse 2 that "the earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep." It's crazy for me to think about how as humans we were created completely from the dust of the earth. This passage talks about how we are earthly creatures. We were created from dust, and we will return to the earth as dust.
This life is meaningless without Christ. When we die our earthly bodies become like the dust but our souls transcend to heaven with Christ where we enjoy life eternal with Him. We have no promise of this eternal life until we become one with Christ and once we accept Him, we can be sure that we will return to heaven with Him at the end of life. This is why it is so important for Christians to focus on Him while we have this opportunity to live for Him on this earth.
James 4:14 says it perfectly: "yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." We need to take advantage of this life we've been given. We need to focus on what is important: God, family, friends, and remember that we were made of dust. We are like a mist that is here for now, but when we're gone, we're gone. We only get one chance. Isaiah 64:6 says this: "We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away." Call it depressing, but it's reality. One day we will fade like a leaf, the memories that people have of us will slowly vanish, and sooner or later our bodies will turn back to dust.
So my question to everyone is this: Are you living as if you were invincible and made out of something more brilliant than dust? Lets humble ourselves each morning and start each day off focused on what is of the most importance.
The first man was from the earth, a man of dust; the second man is from heaven. As was the man of dust, so also are those who are of the dust, and as is the man of heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven. ~ 1 Corinthians 15:47-49
The word dust stood out to me as I was reading this. We were created from dust. In Genesis 1 we see an account of God's creating something out of nothing. It says in verse 2 that "the earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep." It's crazy for me to think about how as humans we were created completely from the dust of the earth. This passage talks about how we are earthly creatures. We were created from dust, and we will return to the earth as dust.
This life is meaningless without Christ. When we die our earthly bodies become like the dust but our souls transcend to heaven with Christ where we enjoy life eternal with Him. We have no promise of this eternal life until we become one with Christ and once we accept Him, we can be sure that we will return to heaven with Him at the end of life. This is why it is so important for Christians to focus on Him while we have this opportunity to live for Him on this earth.
James 4:14 says it perfectly: "yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." We need to take advantage of this life we've been given. We need to focus on what is important: God, family, friends, and remember that we were made of dust. We are like a mist that is here for now, but when we're gone, we're gone. We only get one chance. Isaiah 64:6 says this: "We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away." Call it depressing, but it's reality. One day we will fade like a leaf, the memories that people have of us will slowly vanish, and sooner or later our bodies will turn back to dust.
So my question to everyone is this: Are you living as if you were invincible and made out of something more brilliant than dust? Lets humble ourselves each morning and start each day off focused on what is of the most importance.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
the battle of the standards
I live in a constant battle with myself. Some days I wake up happy and loving life, enthusiastic for the day ahead of me, while others I wake up and all I want to do is lay back in God's lap in complete silence. Lately I've been so stressed and worried about what exactly it is that I am battling. Today I think I finally figured it out.
I'm just sitting on my bed thinking about my life and what is in front of me. Thinking about my amazing roommates, and friends, and boyfriend, and family, and the amazing church I go to, with the amazing role models God has put in my life. I'm asking God why exactly I'm having this problem with contentment where I am in life and with what I am doing for Him. Oh, and God answered me almost immediately. It's like He was waiting for me to ask Him. His answer? Well, I found out that this constant battle that I've been fighting is all about Him.
God's standards are not the same as the world's standards (or other people's standards either).
I've been living this life with the intentions of pleasing the Lord, but in the process I've realized that I'm not really paying any attention to what pleases Him. I'm trying to live up to all the standards that are set before by the various people that are in my life. You know what I realized?
Living up to everyone's standards is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE.
I tell you, no one can do it. Everyone's standards are so different. God's standards are always the same. They don't change and they are consistent in every circumstance. And that's only a part of the beauty of who He is. Blows my mind.
Now I just have to figure out how to refocus my life on the right standards. How do I pay more attention to pleasing God and not others? So many people in my life push their standards on me and pollute my mind with their opinions and view points. How can I put all of this aside and focus on what God has for me and wants me to accomplish for Him? I haven't been able to figure it out yet. There are so many paradigms that I have been struggling to live within, when I really just want to focus on God's. How do I know which standards are what God has set in my life, and which are just myths that others have pushed in my direction?
So this battle I'm facing, it's about my focus. It's about what God wants for MY life. It's about putting my efforts into pleasing HIM.
"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God... And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." ~ Colossians 3:1-3 & 17
I'm just sitting on my bed thinking about my life and what is in front of me. Thinking about my amazing roommates, and friends, and boyfriend, and family, and the amazing church I go to, with the amazing role models God has put in my life. I'm asking God why exactly I'm having this problem with contentment where I am in life and with what I am doing for Him. Oh, and God answered me almost immediately. It's like He was waiting for me to ask Him. His answer? Well, I found out that this constant battle that I've been fighting is all about Him.
God's standards are not the same as the world's standards (or other people's standards either).
I've been living this life with the intentions of pleasing the Lord, but in the process I've realized that I'm not really paying any attention to what pleases Him. I'm trying to live up to all the standards that are set before by the various people that are in my life. You know what I realized?
Living up to everyone's standards is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE.
I tell you, no one can do it. Everyone's standards are so different. God's standards are always the same. They don't change and they are consistent in every circumstance. And that's only a part of the beauty of who He is. Blows my mind.
Now I just have to figure out how to refocus my life on the right standards. How do I pay more attention to pleasing God and not others? So many people in my life push their standards on me and pollute my mind with their opinions and view points. How can I put all of this aside and focus on what God has for me and wants me to accomplish for Him? I haven't been able to figure it out yet. There are so many paradigms that I have been struggling to live within, when I really just want to focus on God's. How do I know which standards are what God has set in my life, and which are just myths that others have pushed in my direction?
So this battle I'm facing, it's about my focus. It's about what God wants for MY life. It's about putting my efforts into pleasing HIM.
"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God... And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." ~ Colossians 3:1-3 & 17
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
How He Loves
It seems to me that lately with everything I do, God reminds me of His love for me. And this is even more significant because I really need to be reminded of His love, because I've had some down days recently. I get to these points in my life where I just cry out to God and just wonder what in the world I'm missing, what is it that I am not getting.. and then he reminds me of his love. He's right, but that does not really surprise me because He always is. I realize that I will absolutely never grasp the true picture of His love. I will never understand what this whole unconditional love thing is all about. I will never be able to fully accept His love for me or experience it in it's greatness because of the simple fact that I know that I am completely unworthy of it. And I realize my unworthiness every single day. And it's on the days that I recognize how messed up I am and my unworthiness of His love, that He puts the lyrics to that song "How He Loves" in my mind. And then they echo over and over in my mind and I picture the images of this loving God. Have you ever really contemplated those worship songs that you sing to Him? Especially "How He Loves".
"He is jealous for me" -- I wrote an entry on this a little while ago. His jealousy for me completely consumes me. How could I do that to Him? And yet I continue to ignore Him in so many circumstances everyday.
"Love is like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy" -- I picture a hurricane that I've seen footage of on TV, the kind that can rip up every car and house and tree from the ground and destroy anything in it's path. I picture the remainder of New Orleans after hurricane Katrina and just what power a hurricane has over us and over the earth. This same power can be channeled to God's love. He has the power to rip us up and destroy us and change us, which He does by covering us with His mercy. And remember what mercy is: not receiving something that we truly deserve. We have no control over what a hurricane does, just like we have no control over what God does with His love for us. He shapes us and molds us and rips us apart everyday because He knows what is best for us. He withholds so much from us that are consequences of our actions simply because He loves us more than we can imagine. THIS is why love is a hurricane.
"When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me." When we come to know Christ and make a pact in our hearts that we are going to live for Him, His glory now covers us and He makes us new. He turns every evil and ugly thing within us to gold with his glory covering it. He uses us despite our cracks and bruises and turns us into glory. This verse reminds me of those days that a light bulb goes off in my brain, and I realize something about myself that I never realized before. Like the day I realize that the reason why I'm acting a certain way is because I'm holding bitterness in my heart. Or the day that I realize that the reason why I'm holding back from God is because of my shame for past mistakes that I've made. Or the day that I realize that maybe everything is not really okay like I've been making it out to be behind the pretending and all the smiles. Those are the days that I realize He covers my afflictions with his glory. He completely eclipses them, so that they are still there, but they reflect his glory instead of reflecting my own brokenness. And it is true, times like these I do realize His beauty and how much He does love me. I mean, think about it. How great are His affections for you? Much greater than can even be measured!
We will never be able to grasp His love. We will never be able to get our minds around it and understand it in the least bit. We will never even be able to return it in the same capacity. But we can still consume our lives with it and live abundantly in it. Experience His love, for his affections for you are great.
"He is jealous for me" -- I wrote an entry on this a little while ago. His jealousy for me completely consumes me. How could I do that to Him? And yet I continue to ignore Him in so many circumstances everyday.
"Love is like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy" -- I picture a hurricane that I've seen footage of on TV, the kind that can rip up every car and house and tree from the ground and destroy anything in it's path. I picture the remainder of New Orleans after hurricane Katrina and just what power a hurricane has over us and over the earth. This same power can be channeled to God's love. He has the power to rip us up and destroy us and change us, which He does by covering us with His mercy. And remember what mercy is: not receiving something that we truly deserve. We have no control over what a hurricane does, just like we have no control over what God does with His love for us. He shapes us and molds us and rips us apart everyday because He knows what is best for us. He withholds so much from us that are consequences of our actions simply because He loves us more than we can imagine. THIS is why love is a hurricane.
"When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me." When we come to know Christ and make a pact in our hearts that we are going to live for Him, His glory now covers us and He makes us new. He turns every evil and ugly thing within us to gold with his glory covering it. He uses us despite our cracks and bruises and turns us into glory. This verse reminds me of those days that a light bulb goes off in my brain, and I realize something about myself that I never realized before. Like the day I realize that the reason why I'm acting a certain way is because I'm holding bitterness in my heart. Or the day that I realize that the reason why I'm holding back from God is because of my shame for past mistakes that I've made. Or the day that I realize that maybe everything is not really okay like I've been making it out to be behind the pretending and all the smiles. Those are the days that I realize He covers my afflictions with his glory. He completely eclipses them, so that they are still there, but they reflect his glory instead of reflecting my own brokenness. And it is true, times like these I do realize His beauty and how much He does love me. I mean, think about it. How great are His affections for you? Much greater than can even be measured!
We will never be able to grasp His love. We will never be able to get our minds around it and understand it in the least bit. We will never even be able to return it in the same capacity. But we can still consume our lives with it and live abundantly in it. Experience His love, for his affections for you are great.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
God's presence
I've been reading through the Old Testament for a while now, and have spent a lot of time in Exodus recently trying to read between the lines and pull God's wisdom out of the pages. I highly suggest it to everyone, because I'm learning more and more everyday, just how much the Old Testament really has about God's power and provision for our lives. It is so necessary for us to dig deep into the Words God has written for us and not just skip over it because it is ancient years old. What I found today was Exodus 24, verses 15-18, the last few verses in the chapter.
The people of Israel saw the whole thing go down. They can see the cloud, but when the Lord calls to Moses and tells him to start hiking, they can see something else too. They don't see the Lord talking to Moses, but they see God's glory alright. They see the glory of the Lord, and you know what it looks like? A fire that is consuming all of the mountain. This cloud and this fire on the mountain were tools that God used. They served as evidence to the people that God's presence was with Moses.
I can only imagine what the people thought as the fire was burning the mountain and Moses started to hike up that thing. They probably thought he was crazy, and perhaps they were scared that their leader was going to be consumed in the fire of God's glory and they'd never see him again. God was so real to them and so powerful to them that they knew he could do anything with Moses. I know that they must have been afraid for Him to go up there. God's presence was a serious deal and it meant a lot to them all.
God's presence should be with all of us, too. God's glory and presence was with Moses because in previous chapters he prayed for it. Moses was consistently seeking to please God in all that he attempted to do because he knew the severity of it. He knew that God's presence was serious and that he needed it to consume his life. God's presence can go with all of us too if we are seeking it and striving to remain focused on Him. Moses is our example. We see in these verses how the presence of God was with Him, and the Lord showed the people evidence of this by burning that fire on the mountain. So what is the evidence that God leaves behind us? If God's presence is among us, there should be evidence of it in our own lives too.
God may not hover a cloud over you as His presence goes with you in life, and He may not ask you to climb a mountain that looks like it is burning. But God's presence should be with you everywhere, and He will go with you if you continue to seek Him. God always leaves proof of Himself in everything, like His fingerprints are all over this Earth in His creation. So think about this:
Are you taking Him seriously?
Is there evidence of God's presence in your life?
What is it?
Then Moses went up on the mountain, and the cloud covered the mountain. The glory of the Lord dwelt on Mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it six days. And on the seventh day he called to Moses out of the midst of the cloud. Now the appearance of the glory of the Lord was like a devouring fire on the top of the mountain in the sight of the people of Israel. Moses entered the cloud and went up on the mountain. And Moses was on the mountain forty days and forty nights.The presence of God was obviously with Moses on Mount Sinai. This verse mentions that a cloud covered the mountain for six days before Moses even hiked up. Can you imagine being at the bottom of this huge mountain with a heavy cloud covering it, and God calls you from the cloud and tells you to start hiking? I would be scared to death of what could possibly be in that cloud. Moses could not even see what was on the mountain. He could be climbing to his death, for all he knew, right?
The people of Israel saw the whole thing go down. They can see the cloud, but when the Lord calls to Moses and tells him to start hiking, they can see something else too. They don't see the Lord talking to Moses, but they see God's glory alright. They see the glory of the Lord, and you know what it looks like? A fire that is consuming all of the mountain. This cloud and this fire on the mountain were tools that God used. They served as evidence to the people that God's presence was with Moses.
I can only imagine what the people thought as the fire was burning the mountain and Moses started to hike up that thing. They probably thought he was crazy, and perhaps they were scared that their leader was going to be consumed in the fire of God's glory and they'd never see him again. God was so real to them and so powerful to them that they knew he could do anything with Moses. I know that they must have been afraid for Him to go up there. God's presence was a serious deal and it meant a lot to them all.
God's presence should be with all of us, too. God's glory and presence was with Moses because in previous chapters he prayed for it. Moses was consistently seeking to please God in all that he attempted to do because he knew the severity of it. He knew that God's presence was serious and that he needed it to consume his life. God's presence can go with all of us too if we are seeking it and striving to remain focused on Him. Moses is our example. We see in these verses how the presence of God was with Him, and the Lord showed the people evidence of this by burning that fire on the mountain. So what is the evidence that God leaves behind us? If God's presence is among us, there should be evidence of it in our own lives too.
God may not hover a cloud over you as His presence goes with you in life, and He may not ask you to climb a mountain that looks like it is burning. But God's presence should be with you everywhere, and He will go with you if you continue to seek Him. God always leaves proof of Himself in everything, like His fingerprints are all over this Earth in His creation. So think about this:
Are you taking Him seriously?
Is there evidence of God's presence in your life?
What is it?
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