So I have a question for you. Have you ever felt like you were in the spiritual wilderness? The wilderness is often depicted of a place where we experience stress, doubt, or even a time when we feel distant from God. I praise God that I haven't felt this way for a while, but I know I found myself in this place last year. It was as if no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I felt like I wasn't hearing from God and that He wasn't speaking to me. I was stuck, I was surrounded by darkness, and I was stressed out all the time! Luckily this past summer I was able to pull through all of this, primarily because of my trip to India, as well as the encouragement that surrounded me during my internship. I am reminded of this experience today because I think it is a place that we all find ourselves in at some point throughout our life. The key to pulling out of it is to have patience and to trust in the Lord and never give up trying. It is a process that can sometimes be very slow. When you give up on yourself and on the Lord, that is when you end up getting stuck there for who knows how long.
I am reminded of this time because of what I read through in Numbers 9 the other day. I was reading about when Moses and the people of Israel had been in the wilderness for a year, and the Lord still spoke to them. Often we think of the wilderness as a place where God is stagnant, He just isn't there. I believe that He is there, we are just not often looking for Him or even focusing on Him. When God spoke to Moses and he spread the word to them, they absolutely did not question Him. They listened to God despite their unpredictable, impatient, tired state of being in this dry, dark, and lonely place. During this time they even had the Passover meal like they had been instructed, and honored God even though it was by His leading that they were there in the first place. They didn't know why God had them there or how long they would be stuck there, but they still glorified Him in their Passover meal.
I am just in awe of the patience and trust that the Israelites showed during this time. God's presence was with them in the form of a cloud by day and fire by night. This is how they knew when to move and when to stay. They followed God's physical presence in the cloud and the fire even though it was unpredictable when the Lord would allow for them to go. Sometimes the cloud and the fire would stay over the camp for days at a time, signaling for them to stay, not knowing when they'd be able to go or why the Lord was keeping them where they were. But through all of this, they never questioned God. They simply waited, followed, and trusted God's leading even through blindness and anticipation.
I feel like most times that I am struggling and when I am crying out to the Lord, that it is so easy to just give up and to do the opposite of what the Israelites did. I always second guess what I'm thinking and feeling and what I know the Lord is calling me to do when I am in situations like these. It is the hardest thing in the world for me to trust Him in the waiting, to follow Him in the blindness, and to trust Him when I am impatient and just downright stuck! It kind of reminds me of the Galatians. Paul writes to the Galatians because they were giving up on God and turning to other religions. It was as if they were ignoring the very God that had called them! How often do we ignore Him when we're doubting Him? How often do we turn to others when we are tired of waiting?
This past month I have just been feeling extremely blessed by God. Since He has led me to Reston, He has been so faithful to make everything fall into place and provide for me daily. I never could have imagined any of this if I hadn't have trusted Him through my doubt last semester. Just a few months ago I was crying out to Him, wondering if Lynchburg was where I was supposed to be. I was trying so hard to be content and to love it there, but I only loved parts of it. It was just a waiting period, a miniature wilderness in my life. But my friends and my faith in God were what pulled me through, and I'm so glad I didn't give up, because I ended up here. Now I see the blessings that the Lord has put in my life, and I pray every day for the Lord to help me see them and not take them for granted. He is SO good to us if we simply strive to persevere and never take our eyes off of Him. The Galatians should have learned from the Israelites experiences in the wilderness.
I don't want to ignore the calling God has on my life. I want to always go after it.
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